Voyage on the Sea of Stars
by Saidre
Summary: The crew of the Sidonia have been on their voyage for more than a millenium. They find themselves yet again embroiled in conflict with the Gauna, and a new generation of soldiers has to fight its battles. In a universe where Kobayashi is not so forgiving of Kunato's behavior, what effect can a few small actions have on the story we know and love?
1. Adrift

A/N: The text should make it obvious, but this story starts at the end of episode four/beginning of episode five and will begin to take a sharp turn away from the plot of the anime from there. The events of episode five still occur, this is simply an elaboration on it. For the sake of everyone's patience, I will not be documenting that whole episode, the same events do occur while they are waiting for rescue.

Also, if any of you are interested in beta reading, please let me know. Having one would help me keep this going.

* * *

Shizuka had expected things to be different. This was supposed to be a quick search and retrieval mission, but the Gauna had turned to go after her squad instead of Sidonia. The abomination that stole Eiko's face seemed to dispatch the entire strike team with a single shot. She remembered her own panic as her Heigus engine started malfunctioning. She managed to eject just seconds before the engine overloaded. She remembered the panic of being floating weightless, drifting in the void. She couldn't hear anything, couldn't see anything. The explosion had thrown her clear of the fighting. The rotation of her pod brought her around to see the chaos. She saw the Gauna fire a second shot. She remembered that panicked instant clearly. She remembered holding her breath, desperately hoping that Tanikaze had survived. The blue wake of his Tsugumori answered her through the afterimage of the Heigus blast. Then the Gauna began to disintegrate. It took her a moment to realize what had happened. Tanikaze had won. She could only stare open mouthed at the shroud left by the decayed enna. Tanikaze and the others were safe. She felt relief wash over her.

Then came the words that simultaneously horrified and thrilled her. "I'm going to go look for Hoshijiro." She called out once, telling him to leave her. It didn't stop him. She heard Command's desperate orders for him to come home, but it was too late. He'd followed her past the point of no return. She'd felt the same mixed emotion when he found her. She'd almost come to terms with her fate, floating out there, alone, until her time came. But it was wrong that he had to suffer the same fate.

Shizuka had expected things to be different. It was meant to just be a quick mission. A way to get back one of their precious few Kabizashi. She'd expected the outcome to be different. She'd expected that, if she died in the line of duty, it would be the Gauna that claimed her, not starvation, not dehydration. She'd expected her time with Tanikaze to be cheerful, hopeful, like it had been during the gravity festival. Strangely, she'd even expected the floating, the waiting for the end, to be different.

Every child thought about it. They grew up knowing that Sidonia's walls were all that kept them from the abyss. They each wanted to become a Garde pilot, and every Garde pilot at least considered it once. How torturous it would be, slowly withering away. And maybe it would have been, if she'd been all alone. But there was something else to it, too. The uniqueness of floating there in the infinite vastness. Before Tanikaze found her, when she was adrift in just her lifepod, she'd been able to let go of her fear and her panic for a time. It was as if the vista before her had sucked those emotions away, the same way the expanse would suck out oxygen or heat. The fight with the Gauna was a blur. The time adrift, she could remember clearly. It was as if she could see the entire universe. She'd been helpless, floating there, simultaneously a part of everything and distinctly separate.

It had been two days since he'd found her, and she was still processing what had happened to her. She was still piecing things together, sifting through the experiences. The experience of watching her squadmates fight a Gauna, unable to do anything to help, had been a unique sense of helplessness. It was so different from the sensation she'd felt when she had been floating, hoping that Tanikaze had given up and turned back. She'd been able to let go of herself, knowing her friends had survived the battle, and hoping that her own unresponsiveness would convince Tanikaze to give up.

He was right not to give up, though. Shizuka knew that they had to keep fighting, to keep going. The odds of Sidonia's centuries long task being successful were no better or worse than the odds they faced now. They had to keep fighting. "Hoshijiro?" A voice broke into her thoughts. Tanikaze had just woken up. She shifted, rolling over to look down at him where he was sitting behind her. She was slowly getting used to moving in microgravity. He was obviously just waking up, trying to rub sleep from his eyes. "Are you still awake? You need to conserve your energy."

"I know. Sorry, I've just been thinking," She rolled back over to face the stars, her thoughts still turning in on themselves, now that they had so much time and so little to do. "Why did you do it? Why'd you come after me?" She kept her tone even. It wasn't the same sadness that had colored her similar comments when he'd found her.

"What do you mean, why'd I come after you?" Tanikaze responded. Shizuka could imagine the look of confusion on his face.

"I'm just one pilot. En and Kunato were immobilized and you left them to come after me. You knew you probably wouldn't be able to make it back to Sidonia. Why?"

"Because you're my friend." Shizuka smiled at his frankness. He said it as if it was the most obvious thing it world. "Sidonia wouldn't be the same without you there."

"That's it?" She wasn't entirely sure what she meant by the question. Her emotions towards him were different from what she felt for others. Stronger. Was he just her friend? Was that what she wanted? It was strange to her that she was even thinking about something like this, but what other time would there be? A thin metal skin and what scraps they had for supplies were all that separated them from the abyss.

"No. No one should have to be left behind. Pilots are supposed to protect Sidonia. How could I go back knowing I'd left someone to die?"

Shizuka didn't respond immediately. She knew the answer. Humanity was at war, and sometimes war means making hard choices. Sometimes, people had to be left behind for the greater good. Some lives were worth more than others. Sidonia was, at it's heart, a military ship, and Shizuka was a soldier.

Tanikaze's voice filled the silence. "My life isn't worth more than yours, Hoshijiro. If we're fighting to preserve humanity, then that has to mean all of humanity, doesn't it? We can't stop fighting just because it looks bad. Leaving one person behind because they're not likely to be able to make it isn't any better than abandoning Sidonia because of how unlikely we are to beat the Gauna. We've spent centuries as a race beating the odds. If that's so much of what Garde pilots do, why shouldn't we dedicate ourselves as much to saving one pilot if it doesn't endanger everyone else?"

Shizuka had to admit, Tanikaze was the most idealistic person she'd ever met. It was strange that he'd turned out like that with no human contact apart from his grandfather. Grandfather Tanikaze must have been a great man. Then, maybe the lack of human contact was exactly what made him so protective of people. He'd gone so long without, maybe people meant that much more to him. She'd have to get to know him better if she ever wanted to know for sure. For now, she'd made her mind up about at least one thing. She rolled back over to face him, her smile still on her face. "Thank you for saving me Tanikaze," hoping it sounded as sincere as it felt. "I'm sorry if I'm not good company. The past few days have just given me a lot to think about."

"It's alright, I understand," he replied, smiling with relief. "It's been rough for both of us. Why don't you try and get some sleep? Maybe that will help you some."

Her mind was settled for the time being. He didn't have to tell her twice.

* * *

Four days of intensive cleanup and rebuilding was doing nothing for the smell that permeated the whole of Sidonia. The casualty numbers were staggering. Everyone who could be spared was helping to rebuild the damaged areas. En was glad to be kept in the classroom during the cleanup. Being around her sisters made things easier. In the days since the battle she'd had to learn to ignore gossip about what exactly happened. Her sisters had stopped asking after the first day, when she'd made it clear she wasn't going to violate protocol. The rest of the cadets in their class took a bit longer. It frustrated her, but at least she understood why they asked. It was either her or Kunato, and nobody wanted to talk to him right now.

Classes certainly felt strange without Hoshijiro. Tanikaze's absence was noticeable, but it didn't weigh as heavily on most of the cadets. Not because he wasn't mourned, he simply hadn't had time to become a fixture in their lives the way Hoshijiro had. En was just glad none of her sisters had been lost in the Gravity Event. Izana hadn't been handling the things as well as she and her sisters had. Hou and Ren had reached out to her, to try and cheer her up. En had stayed away. She just wanted to get back out there and fight. It felt useless being cooped up in class while restoration work was being done. She wasn't able to do anything in her last fight with the Gauna, and now she wasn't allowed to do anything back on Sidonia. It was starting to drive her crazy.

She didn't understand the need for pilots to know the history of the wars. The fact that there were five hundred Seed ships sent out, the fact that the last ship they encountered was the Aposims, didn't seem like they had much bearing on the war at hand. It wasn't peacetime anymore. Stories of the past could only help so much. The lecture continued in much the same vein, and En only paid it partial attention. They were dismissed at the end of the hour, instructed to meet again in two hours time to continue their combat simulation training.

En started towards the exit of the classroom well before any of her sisters, who were obviously feeling much more chatty than she was. She was almost to the door when she heard one of them calling for her.

"Hey En! Where're you going?" En turned to find Shou coming after her. "You're not going to leave us here, are you?"

En, still feeling mood over being trapped in the room, managed to put a smile on her face for her sister's sake. "It looks like you have plenty of company. You're going to try and cheer up Shinatose, aren't you?"

Her sister nodded, "You sure you're doing alright? You've been a bit off ever since you got back."

En shrugged, "I've just felt useless letting everyone else do all the reconstruction. Figured I'd do something helpful with my time for a little bit."

Shou's eyes lit up with understanding. "You're going to go see the little sisters, aren't you? Alright, well, say hi to them for me. I'll let the others know you're alright."

En's smile brightened some. "Thanks Shou, I knew I could count on you," were her last words to her sister as she left the room. She made her way down the twisting corridors of Sidonia with a practiced ease. It took her half an hour to make her way through all the detours to get back home. At least, home before they'd made it to cadet school.

She swiped her card through the reader on the side of the door and waited until she heard the door unlock. Sidonia was very careful about who was allowed to see the Honokas, especially before they turned four. En and her sisters had been allowed into the cadet program at that age, and each of them had proven very successful. They should be though, they'd been born to be pilots. Eleven clones who were meant to serve as Sidonia's guardians. It didn't bother her, though she knew at least one of her sisters wished they had a little bit more freedom in their lives. En was the oldest of the Honokas, at least in role, if not in fact. She would do anything to protect her sisters. What better way to do that than from the cockpit of Garde?

There was an orderly waiting to greet her as she came through the door. En couldn't help but smile a little as the orderly hesitated in addressing her, having to look at his datapad. "En, it's good to see you again." He was new. Their old guardians could pick out any Honoka by name. "I'm assuming you're here to visit the little ones." She nodded to him. "Alright, if you'll just follow me."

At least the man skipped all the warnings visitors usually had to sit through. She could have recited them for him, if she'd wanted to. He led her through familiar halls, past training rooms, bed rooms, until they came to a room she remembered fondly. He opened the door, and she stepped into a room with what seemed to be a dozen pink haired six year olds running around, with toys strewn everywhere.

"En!" One of the little ones called out, moments after she'd stepped through the door. The little girl ran over and wrapped her arms around En's legs. Each of the older Honokas came by to visit the little ones when they could, typically once or twice a week, and each one had one or two little ones that seemed to attach to them more than the others.

En reached down and picked the girl up, bringing them face to face. "You've gotten so big Kasai! You're going to be as big as me pretty soon." The littler girl just giggled as En stepped into the room, spinning around for Kasai's sake. Setting the girl back down, she sat down with her and let the younger one find something to play with. Most of the other girls were too engrossed in their own games to say anything to her. En didn't take it personally, she was sure she did the same thing to some of her guardians four years ago.

Kasai came back with a few of her favorites, old, beat up model Gardes, and handed one of them to En. En obliged, following Kasai's instructions as the Gardes followed an imaginary Gauna. Kasai mimicking the sound of Heigus cannons until Kasai decided that the Guana had finally had enough, and the Gardes returned home triumphant. The instruction of the Honokas was single-minded, if nothing else. Kasai sat down next to En, and leaned against her older sister.

"Did you really beat a Gauna, sis?" Kasai asked, looking up at En.

En tried to keep the surprise off her face, to mixed success. "What do you mean, Kasai?"

"Well, we heard the teachers talking about how someone destroyed a Gauna, and they said you were out there. They keep saying that it was someone else, but we all just know it has to be you!"

En didn't know what to say. She didn't want to let down her little sisters, but she wasn't sure she could live with lying to them. They'd find out it was Tanikaze eventually. "No, I'm sorry, it wasn't me." Kasai's face fell at the news. "It wasn't me this time Kasai, but I'll be out there again. I'll get the next one, don't you worry."

"Two." A serious look came across Kasai's face.

"What?"

"You have to get one for me, okay? Two."

En just chuckled and smiled at her younger sibling. "Alright, Kasai. Two."

* * *

After a week of floating there, doing as little as possible, Nagate and Shizuka had settled into something of a routine. Nagate spent most of his time in the back of the cockpit, letting Shizuka have the front. She needed access to the light, and, despite his restlessness, Nagate knew better than to waste energy just to stretch his legs. They still switched every now and again. They still had plenty of oxygen and water, but they were running very low on food.

They were in less typical positions, both floating near the middle of the cockpit, their heads less than a foot apart. "What happened that day when you walked in on the women's photosynthesizing chamber? You don't seem like you did it on purpose. You haven't peaked at me once while we've been here, at least not on purpose." A few days ago she would have been too insecure to ask him, but now she was barely blushing. The six days they'd spent here had bonded them. She was almost comfortable photosynthesizing around him. He'd taken to laying down with his face as near to the far wall as he could while she did. It was sweet of him, even if it did make the conversation more difficult.

"I was told to practice with my gravity belt. Commander Seii had me checking the strengths of the railings all over the area. I guess I wasn't paying attention. I didn't do it on purpose, honest." His voice turned a little defensive at the end, but he knew that the question was more curious than accusatory. "Actually, it never occurred to me to look out for one. Growing up in the underground, we never had to worry about women or photosynthesizing. I'm still adjusting to all that."

"I understand." Shizuka hadn't really given much thought to how different things must be for Tanikaze now that he had moved to the surface world. Aside from some issues when he first arrived and when he tried to escape the hospital, he seemed normal, if a little awkward. "What was it like growing up down there all by yourself?"

"I wasn't always down there by myself. My grandfather raised me for a while."

"You've mentioned him a few times. He sounds like a good man. What was he like?" Shizuka had been trying to develop a mental image of the man for a while now. Whoever he was, he had to have at least been very resourceful. Keeping himself and Tanikaze fed for years without anyone noticing was an accomplishment in its own right.

"He was a tough man. I remember there were a few years where we were constantly on the move. He didn't want anyone from the circus finding us. I'm not sure why we stopped, but I guess he figured they weren't looking for us anymore. He never really told me much about why we couldn't go up to the surface or why they might be looking for us, but I stopped asking after a while. Those days were actually a lot of fun. We'd adventure through new tunnels everyday, but somehow we never got lost. I know it sounds miserable, but it was actually a lot of fun. I miss those days. After we stopped running, we kind of just stayed in place for a while. I did a lot more training on the simulator after that."

"If you were always on the run, where did you get food?"

"Honestly, I don't really know. Once we stopped moving, he would go off for a while and come back with rice. Before that, I'm not really sure. He just always kept us fed. I was too young to ask where it came from."

"Do you know your grandfather's name?"

"No. He was always just grandfather to me. I never even thought to ask. I guess he kept that from me for the same reason he kept us on the run. There had to be something going on, but I don't have any idea what it was. Maybe one day I'll start to piece those things together. Everything's been so strange since I got here. You were there when Ochiai picked me up from the police station. I still don't know why the Captain took an interest in me, or why they gave me the Tsugumori. I'm glad, but I'm not sure I understand."

"She must have believed that you spent as much time training on the Mark Seventeen as you said you had."

"Yeah, I suppose. I'm just glad to be able to protect people." He paused for a moment. "Hey, Hoshijiro, why did you go with me to the police station that day?"

"It seemed like you needed someone's help. Besides, I didn't feel like spending the rest of my day with Kunato."

"Why were you with him, anyway? You two don't seem like friends."

"We're most likely going to be two of the next four pilots to graduate from the cadet program. I was trying to get to know him some before then, in case we ended up the same squad. He was a little. . ." she hesitated, deciding how charitable she wanted to be, "a little creepy. He wanted me to come by his place later on in the day. He said knowing the head of development might come in useful."

"Does he have any friends? I still don't understand how he got away with hitting Izana."

"He broke your arm, too," Shizuka quickly reminded him. She had been much more worried about that than Izana's leg. A normal person would be out of the piloting rotation for weeks with that kind of injury. "And no, I don't think he has any friends. I kind of pity him, really. He said his dream was to be a hero to Sidonia. He wanted to pilot the Tsugumori. And he could be a hero one day. He's one of the best pilots we have. He just needs to figure out how to be nice to people first."

"At least he has the right goals." Nagate thought for a moment, then continued, "You think that's part of why he doesn't like me? That I got to fly the Tsugumori?"

"I don't think he likes anybody. He doesn't know how to show it, at least. But it can't help."

"What about your childhood? I can't imagine what it'd be like growing up on the surface."

"My childhood was pretty boring. My parents kept me through school. They encouraged me to follow my dream of becoming a pilot. I wanted to protect people. A lot of us do. The program's hard to get into, though. There's almost five hundred thousand people on Sidonia, and only two hundred fifty six or so pilots and cadets combined. There's sometimes a few extra right before people are graduated to full pilot status, and there's always more pilots than there are Gardes, just in case someone's hurt and there's an emergency. I was lucky."

"There's got to be more to your childhood than just becoming a cadet."

"I suppose. I grew up in one of the more well off districts. My parents made sure I always had what I needed. They were strict, sure, but they took care of me. I wasn't very adventurous as a child. I guess I'm still that way, but I'd like to think that piloting has changed me, some. I don't know. I feel like my childhood was pretty normal. I had my issues, but I'm happy with where I am. I just wish I'd visited my parents more often. I haven't seen them in months. May not get another chance."

Nagate rolled over to look her in the eyes. "Hey, don't talk like that. Of course you'll get to see them again. You can visit them as soon as you get back."

She found herself almost blushing at the proximity of their faces. She didn't push away. She didn't do much of anything. She trusted him. "We'll go see them together."

"Wait, why do you want me to go?" His shock showed clearly on his face.

"I'm sure they'll want to meet the hero who saved me."

Tanikaze's reluctance only lasted for a few moments. Something about being in a family setting sounded pretty nice to him. "Alright," he conceded. "We'll visit them together."

* * *

"I know he's Hiroki's son, Lalah. We're not going to leave him out there. We haven't fought a Gauna in centuries. We can't afford to lose any pilots unnecessarily, especially ones with enough skill to kill Gauna on their own." Kobayashi respected Lalah as much as anyone, but there were times her old squadmate tried her patience. The running of Sidonia had to be handled with care. "But we also can't afford to send out Gardes to help them while Sidonia is falling apart around us."

"Then what are you going to do?" Lalah waved her mechanical arm as much in frustration as to threaten the captain. They both knew where they stood. Lalah knew that Kobayashi wouldn't hurt her, and Lalah would always, begrudgingly, accept the captain's decisions. Still, that didn't stop her from being loud about it. "How are you going to do something to save him and do nothing at the same time?"

"I never said I was going to do anything, Lalah. The pilots are fuming at the fact that we left those two behind. I've instructed Ochiai to do whatever he needs to do to facilitate that anything they try to do to rescue the lost pilots. I shouldn't be hearing anything about it until after it's accomplished."

"You're just assuming that someone's going to violate protocol to go after them? What makes you think they're not too afraid of you to try anything? You do like to keep an iron grip on this place."

"At least I care enough to be a part of the ship, unlike those annoyances. They won't abandon him, Lalah. He's their hero right now."

"I told you to stop using my first name, Meru." Hiyama almost growled the other woman's name. She had to admit though, Kobayashi was probably the only person on the ship who wasn't intimidated by an angry bear. Most of the time. Lalah hadn't truly lost control in a long time.

"There's a reason I wear this mask," Kobayashi raised lifted the mask she was holding towards her face, partially to hide her flinching at hearing her first name. It had been decades since anyone had used it. "I don't wear it just to hide who I am, just to keep my age a secret. I don't have to have recognition for what I do. I have to keep a strict rule over Sidonia because we can't afford anything else. How long do you think this ship could last if it was divided, Lalah? If we had to deal with infighting like our ancestors did? We were almost wiped out because one man got it in his head that it was a good idea to throw away the Kabizashi. How bad do you think things would get if I lost control of this place? I can't risk that, and you know it. Things don't happen on this ship without my knowledge. They just don't. But there's a difference between punishing something lightly and ordering it. I can't break the rules for Nagate. I can't jeopardize Sidonia. But if the pilots happen to get away with breaking procedure and going after him, well, I can give them a slap on the wrist and move on. They don't have to like me, but they have to respect me. So if I have to be unpopular, so be it. Sidonia can't stop for anyone. We can't afford to get caught, and we can't afford to fail. We may be the only people who found the Kabi. That means that the half million people on this ship may be the whole of humanity. There may not be anyone to pick up the pieces if we fail."

Lalah huffed, but said nothing. She'd come here to demand that the captain do something for Nagate and Shizuka. In Kobayashi's own way, she was. Lalah knew she wouldn't get anything else out of this conversation, but she couldn't bring herself to leave without saying anything. She sighed. "Alright, I understand. But you made yourself his guardian. I know you did it so you could use him as much as because you cared about him, but you're supposed to be looking after him. I'm holding you accountable for whatever happens." Lalah didn't wait for a response, she just turned and stormed out of the room. She stayed in a huff the whole way back to the dormitories, only cooling off once she'd had a chance to sit down. Funnily enough, no one said anything to the angry bear.

Kobayashi tossed her mask aside, it suddenly feeling much heavier in her hands. There was a reason she enjoyed the anonymity of her own face. No one recognized the captain without her mask. There were no expectations, no decisions to be made. But she'd signed up for this. Centuries ago, she and the others made a decision. Their lives, their deaths, were no longer their own, but Sidonia's. The Committed seemed to forget that, thinking Sidonia was there to keep them alive, that they were the heart of Sidonia. Staying on the outside had helped Kobayashi maintain perspective. It wasn't the eight multi-centennials in dark, hidden room that were at Sidonia's heart. It was the children that went to fight humanity's war, the mothers and fathers who struggled to keep their houses together, their children fed. It was the little people, not the big ones, who had to be protected.

She also mourned her own decision to leave Nagate behind. Everything she'd said, every defense she'd made to Lalah had been completely true, and if she had to make the decision again, she would. But that didn't mean Lalah was wrong. She had decided to become Nagate's personal guarantor. She'd decided that long before Nagate had emerged from beneath the city. She was the closest thing he had to a mother, and always had been. Hiroki may have raised him as a grandson, but Kobayashi knew that the 'grand' was just to explain away Hiroki's own appearance. Nagate was, for all intents and purposes, Hiroki's son. And that made him hers.

* * *

Izana couldn't believe they were doing this. It was eleven days since Nagate and Hoshijiro had been left behind. It was two days since Hou had first told her about the plan to save them. Izana couldn't believe it then, and she couldn't believe it now. She especially couldn't believe that Samari Ittan was the one behind all of it. She'd always pictured Samari and the other pilots as being so distant from the mere cadets. And maybe they were, most of the time, but Nagate had killed a Gauna, and that transcended those kind of boundaries.

And somehow, the plan to take all two hundred and fifty-six Gardes had worked. Izana still couldn't believe that Nagate Tanikaze, who'd been ridiculed as 'the Underdweller' just weeks before, was suddenly so unilaterally appreciated that every single pilot was willing to suffer the captain's wrath when this was over. She was overjoyed that her friend was finally being appreciated.

The logistics of the 256-Clasp formation had been time consuming, but the speed of it was something she'd never experienced before. It had been the most important part of the plan. It would take at least an 128-Clasp formation, but the 256 was the only one they'd been sure would have enough power to be able to get them home. Still, even with Sidonia behind them, she couldn't escape that knot in her stomach. They had no way of knowing if Nagate and Hoshijiro were still alive. Nagate couldn't photosynthesize, so what should be weeks of rations would only last them a week and a half - two if they stretched them. They didn't even have any way of knowing if he'd found Hoshijiro. Izana shook her head. She couldn't help anybody by worrying.

There was surprisingly little radio chatter floating around between pilots. She supposed a lot of it would likely take place on private channels, since flying wasn't too difficult once courses were laid in. Starting and stopping clasps could be tricky, but unless they had to change direction, actually flying wasn't too difficult. En had supplied them with the projected path Hoshijiro would have been on after she ejected from her Garde. Izana still had no idea how they'd managed to launch every single Garde on the station without somebody doing anything to stop them. There simply weren't that many launch tubes.

"I've got something here," Samari's voice broke through the silence on the public channel. Izana was on the far end of the formation, so she assumed her sensors just hadn't picked up on it yet. A few seconds later, Izana saw it too. The Tsugumori's signal was right around where it had been projected to be. They were still too far out for a visual, but Samari's transmissions weren't getting any responses. Izana tried not assume the worst, but she couldn't think of very many reasons that Tanikaze would be maintaining radio silence. Was his broken, like En and Kunato's had been? But he'd radioed that they would need to send somebody for Kunato and En, hadn't he?

Samari's laughter cut through everyone's thoughts. She'd just picked up the visual on her cameras. "I guess they decided to take a walk." Izana couldn't figure out what Samari might mean by that until her own visual came into view. There they were, Tanikaze and Hoshijiro, floating on the Tsugumori's shoulder, floating in each other's arms. Izana was too relieved to be insecure over how close they were. They were safe. That was all that mattered.

* * *

A/N: I hope you all enjoyed the first installment in this. I hope to have many more to come. I will try to maintain some sort of dialogue with my reviewers either through these or through pms. Thank you in advance.

Also, I understand that Meru is not a japanese name, but I do feel that the reference is fitting and couldn't resist making it.


	2. Relief

**A/N: Here's where we start deviating from canon.**

 **"There is a pretty bad continuity error in the show at this point when the news says that Tanikaze and Hoshijiro were in the Tsugumori for three weeks, but their display says it was closer to eleven days. Since I can't think of something clever to do with the missing ten days for an explanation, we're going with the eleven days.**

 **The Color Guard nickname here stems from the names of the Akai squad's pilots: Aka/Red, Midori/Green, Momoink, and Aoi/Blue. Given their success on the gravity tournament circuit, it made sense to me that they would have a name other than the military one.**  
 **On another note, I'm still in the market for a beta reader and any messages or reviews you guys leave would be tremendously helpful. Thanks in advance.**

* * *

Shizuka and Nagate were separated for the first time in eleven days when they arrived back on Sidonia. It was an odd feeling, even if it was to get cleaned up, to be away from someone they had been within feet of for over a week. Nagate was just glad to be back on Sidonia. He hadn't eaten in days, and it was starting to catch up with him. Tsuruuchi had offered him a couple of his emergency provisions, but Nagate couldn't accept them in good conscience. The emergency was over, and Lalah or Sidonia's medical staff would make plenty sure that he had something to eat. Tsuruuchi had been friendly for the duration of the flight, which was a welcome change of pace, after the deodorant Nagate had had left in his locker and the broken arm Kunato had given him. He was still surprised by the sheer number of pilots that had assembled to bring him and Hoshijiro home. He hadn't realized she was that important to people.

Shizuka's trip with Samari had been mostly uneventful. Shizuka didn't really feel like saying anything. The ordeal of the last few days and the awe of seeing so many people come to help them mixed in with the lack of food and water to leave her drained. She rode in silence until they returned to Sidonia. It was then that she heard Tsuruuchi's comment to Tanikaze about how Tanikaze probably wished they'd been left out there just a little bit longer. Shizuka couldn't help but squirm in her seat as she felt her face redden. She almost chuckled at the innocent obliviousness of Tanikaze's response. Honestly, she wouldn't have minded a few more minutes. There had been something of a realization in those final moments, floating off the shoulder of the Tsugumori. She'd been able to talk to him for eleven days without any negative interaction. It was a new feeling, and she had some feeling as to what it was.

"Is he really that naive?" Samari's voice cut into her thoughts. She'd turned off her transmitter, meaning they could hear any radio chatter amongst the other pilots, but letting them have a bit of privacy. The formation was breaking off two at a time. Shizuka was relieved that Samari couldn't see the look on her face.

"Yeah. He really is. This is the first time in his life he's spent time with people." Shizuka responded.

"Bet that made for an interesting few days together," Samari voice turned almost conspiratorial. "Give it some time, maybe he'll figure things out." She held up a hand to stifle any response Shizuka might have, and the rest of Shizuka's trip back to Sidonia was uneventful. Shizuka hadn't realized that anything was obvious, but then she knew Samari received more than her desired number of suitors, maybe she just had a better eye for things than the cadets did. Shizuka remained quiet for the rest of the trip, Samari having returned to her duties as squadron leader.

The fluid rushing around her pulled her from her thoughts. The decontamination process was never said to be comfortable, but most pilots didn't have to go through the full process. After normal sorties pilots just had to shower and check with the doctor. The deep clean was only necessary after longer journeys. She hadn't been through it before outside of training.

"There is a one point five percent delay in your recovery," the computer's voice alerted her. That was worrisome, but expected. Fatigue after being malnourished for days was not uncommon. "Please retake the examination as a precautionary measure." Shizuka sighed, but did as she was told.

Nagate found himself in a doctor's office noticeably devoid of Hoshijiro. The doctor was speaking to him, "You should be fine, but I'm relieving you of duty for the next seven days, just in case."

"Yes ma'am," he responded, his military training still holding up.

"I mean it, not even simulations. Your bodies need to readjust to proper gravity. Bones and muscles atrophy in microgravity, and it's made worse if you don't exercise. You try anything too strenuous, and something might just break. You understand?" The doctor was glaring at him. Nagate had developed a reputation for not cooperating with doctors, given how hard he fought to get his casts removed prematurely. "After three days, you can start exercising. The damage shouldn't be too bad. You weren't out there that long, but we have to be safe."

He gulped visibly, not wanting to deal with any more broken bones at the moment. "Yes ma'am!" He paused for a second. "Uh, if you don't mind me asking, where is Hoshijiro?"  
The doctor's face softened. "There were some irregularities in her recovery time. Nothing major, just fatigue, but she'll have to go through the examination again, just to be sure. You run along now, I'm sure she'll find you once she's done. Someone will be along with orders for you once you're cleared to return to active duty. Until then, you get some rest. You've earned it." She opened the door for them, and the youngster quickly made his way out, ready for a hot meal and good night's sleep. It wasn't until he was halfway out the door that the doctor stopped him. She made a point to look him in the eyes as she spoke. "It's good to have you two back."

* * *

Lalah Hiyama was washing dishes when she the doors open behind her. "Uh, Miss. Hiyama," a familiar voice sounded behind her. She'd heard about his return on the news, and now here he was, just like clockwork. She was surprised he'd taken this long to come down to the kitchens. He must have had some other things to attend to before he ate to have taken so long.

"They delivered some great chicken today. It's deliciously prepared," she turned to look at the boy. Nagate thought that her expression could be described as warm, but trying to read a bear took some getting used to. He was just glad he'd gotten over his initial fear of the lady. She was one of the nicest people he'd met since he arrived on the ship.  
"Alright, maybe I'll have that then." He took his usual seat at the middle of the bar. It was nice to be home again.

"I've been so bored not having anyone come in to eat everyday. I'm glad you made it back." Nagate was fairly sure now that her expression was a smile. He tried to thank her, but barely got the words out before he heard the sound of the door sliding open behind him.

Lalah watched the two as Hoshijiro walked over to where Nagate was sitting, an unreadable expression that only a couple people would recognize as a knowing smile playing on her face. The two had forgotten about her for the moment, and that was okay. She remembered what they were going through all too well. It was fleeting, and she saw no need to intrude on their time together. "Okay! Here you go," she told the two, putting Nagate's plate in front of him, then Hoshijiro's in front of her. The two expressed their gratitude to her, Nagate almost beaming, the same way he usually did when he was fed. "You two enjoy your meal," she said as she walked away, happy to let the children be happy on their own for a while.

"What took so long?" Nagate managed between bites. It had been hours since he had been released from his medical examination, and that had only taken a few minutes.  
Shizuka took a moment to quiet down, having been laughing at his eagerness to eat. "Apparently the re-examination is a bit more thorough than the standard examination. I was in that pod for what felt like hours, but nothing really happened for most of it. When I got out, they said I was fine, and just needed rest. They told me I wasn't allowed to so much as train for a week. I'm not sure what I'm going to do until then."

"They told me the same thing. Said that my bones needed time to heal or something." He shrugged. Nagate was just glad to be back on Sidonia. Much as he wanted to fight, he could appreciate a few days off.

"What did you do while you were waiting? I'm surprised you're just now sitting down to eat. We all know how hungry you get." She tried not to giggle at him as she returned to her own food.

"Yeah. There were a few things I had to do before I ate." He paused to eat for a moment before continuing. "You know, people seem a lot friendlier than they were before I left. I got a lot of pats on the back on the way to my locker. Speaking of which, I may need some helping cleaning it out." Shizuka gave him a confused, worried look. He put up his hands defensively, "It's nothing bad, it's just filled to the brim with rice bags. I can barely carry one on my own."

She found herself laughing at him again. "I'm sure we can find someone to help you out with that. Come on, it was hours, you have to have done more than go back to the dorms. There's nothing to keep me that busy."

"Yeah. Izana found me. I had been planning to go to the memorial for the Color Guard. None of us got a chance before we left. I wanted to pay my respects. Hopefully they can rest easy now that that Gauna is gone."

She nodded. "I was planning to do that myself. I guess I'll head up there tomorrow, if you've already gone."

"I don't mind going with you," Nagate half-volunteered. "It's not like either of us have anything to do for a while."

"No, I suppose we don't. Though I think you did agree to visit my parents with me sometime. Maybe we can do that this week."

* * *

"I don't like making my doctors lie. Are you sure we couldn't just tell the kids why they're being grounded?" Yure asked her old friend. She was standing in Kobayashi's empty conference room, her mask held loosely at her side. She didn't wear it as often as Kobayashi did, but there were times that called for it. Besides, it was fun to dress up from time to time.

"They've been behaving admirably for four days now. I'd rather my pilots actually relax than focus on their inadequacies. How are they doing?" Kobayashi asked.  
"Nagate hasn't shown any of the psychoses associated with space-sickness. We're lucky. Normally someone who's used to being in confined spaces like the undercity don't deal well with being stranded in the great expanse. I'm actually surprised the open air hasn't given him any panic attacks yet. I guess growing up in a flight simulator did a good job of stunting that."

"That's good to hear. We can't have our best pilot losing his mind. What about Hoshijiro?"

"As far as we know, she was just exhausted. Her body should be recovering now. We don't think there are going to be any side effects to being so lightly shielded so close to a Gauna filtered Heigus blast. We don't have any reason to believe it would do anything, but proper paranoia is necessary when dealing with the Gauna. There is still some residual radiation, but it doesn't seem to be very different from what happens to our own engineers spend too much time working on our engines. Nothing serious if she stays in her Garde next time."

Kobayashi smiled at her chief scientist. She always could trust Yure to provide her with good news. "Good. We need those two ready as soon as possible."

"Have you made up your mind about who you're going to be promoting to full pilot yet?"

"Not yet. En Honoka, Hoshijiro, and Tanikaze, are all easy picks. I haven't decided who will complement them best. We need to avoid making the same mistake we made with Akai squadron."

"What do you mean?"

"Akai squadron didn't hold up under pressure. They didn't function as a team, and Akai wasn't able to keep his calm when Momose was endangered."

"Tanikaze has shown the same tendency towards Hoshijiro. So you're going to be separating them?"

"No. Those three are too talented. I want them to be the core of our next elite group of pilots. We just need a calming factor. Akai squad didn't have anyone to keep them grounded and acting in the best interests of the group, instead letting the protectiveness of the boys towards Momose get the entire squad killed."

"Who do you have in mind?"

"I'm not sure yet. We have to see how the pilots adapt to the upcoming changes."

Yure didn't take the bait. She'd find out what those changes were whenever Kobayashi needed her to. She had her own things to deal with, especially now that Nagate was back. The third generation of Honokas needed her attention. She had to keep an eye on the biodiversity of their foodstuffs. The list went on. "Did you need anything else?"

"No. Not today. Are you still up for lunch tomorrow?"

"Of course. I have assistants who can attend to things for an hour or so," Yure was already starting out of the room, replacing her mask on her face. She didn't need to wait to be dismissed. You picked up on certain things over the course of a couple centuries.

She stopped at the door. "Give Izana a chance. She may not have blossomed yet, but there's a lot of me in her. You remember how well I did under pressure."

Kobayashi nodded and smiled as her friend left. A beeping on her communicator sent the smile away. She had business to attend to. Always more business. Now she had to deal with misbehaving kids. Ochiai was on his way, with Norio Kunato in tow. She rubbed her temples before putting her own mask back on.

She made her way back up the stairs to one of the massive viewports that lined the walls. She'd gazed out into the blackness every day for longer than most people could comprehend. Even now, it still helped her retain perspective. It was a massive universe, and there were predators waiting out there. Humanity deserved to survive, but would never feel that it was the most dangerous animal around again. Ochiai's ringing of the buzzer kept her from ruminating too long.

"Come in." She kept her back to entrance. This wouldn't be like when Yure or Lalah came by. This was no dialogue between equals.

Ochiai gestured for Kunato to make his way into the young man tentatively complied. He wasn't sure why he was here. It wasn't unheard of for the captain to speak to pilots like this, there were rumors that Tanikaze had come through more than once, but being ordered here was unexpected

"Do you have any idea why I ordered you here?" The voice came down from above him. In all honesty, he wasn't sure. The fact that Ochiai had backed away but had not left the room hadn't escaped him.

"No ma'am." He responded quickly, standing at attention. She didn't say anything. She didn't even move. Kunato surmised that he'd given her the wrong answer. He thought for a moment or two before speaking. She hadn't called him here to talk about Kunato Developments, since any orders they received from the military went through different channels. Besides, calling him a cadet was a dead give away. "Am I here because of the upcoming promotions to full pilot, ma'am?"

"Why would I call you here for that?"

"Because I'm the best cadet in my class, ma'am. You called me here to ask me to lead the next squad."

The uproarious laugh that followed his statement felt like a slap to the face. What was so funny? He was the best pilot she had. It wasn't like she called him here to for idle conversation. He scowled, but held his tongue. He wouldn't be baited into doing anything that might sabotage his future.

"I called you here to discuss the events of the Gravity Festival, Kunato. Can you think of anything involving you that day that might be of interest to me?"

This was making even less sense. He'd come in second. Akai was dead. So what was so funny about his saying he was the best pilot on Sidonia? "I was runner-up to Akai. He got the better of me with an aggressive maneuver that runs counter to our training."

" _Ma'am_." Kobayashi prompted, her voice suddenly like iron. Kunato gulped audibly this time.

"Ma'am," he provided quickly. Why was he here? She obviously wasn't happy with him for some reason or another. If he wasn't being promoted, then why was he here?

"Are you aware of injuries sustained by two of your fellow pilots that night? Shall I jog your memory?"

His blood ran cold for a moment. This was about Shinatose and the underdweller. "No ma'am, I remember."

"Well, let's go over things anyway. Just to make sure we all know where we stand. You stormed off after being outsmarted by Mochikuni Akai. On your way, you ran into cadet Izana Shinatose and struck her, forcing her to the ground. Cadets Shizuka Hoshijiro and Nagate Tanikaze saw you, and Tanikaze moved to protect Izana. Words were exchanged and Tanikaze threw a punch at you, which you evaded. You then broke his elbow. Does all of this sound familiar to you?"

"Yes ma'am." Of course. She'd given that brat special treatment ever since he got here. Now he was getting chewed out for not playing nice enough. Izana should have stayed out of his way, and so should Nagate. "I was defending myself."

"You were defending yourself?" Her tone turned to ice. She turned, her masked visage finally coming into view. She made her way down the steps, fury radiating from her. She brought herself to stand directly across from Kunato, her mask staring into his eyes. "I want to make sure I heard you."

Kunato refused to avert his gaze but said nothing. She was obviously in no mood to listen to reason. She'd said herself that the filthy underdweller had attempted to strike first.  
"You lied to me, Kunato. The account I gave was inaccurate. Nagate didn't punch you first. He grabbed your arm, you swung, he swung, and then his arm was broken. I will not be lied to."

His hatred for Tanikaze was starting to show in his eyes. "He had no right to touch me! He has no right, taking things that don't belong to him!"

"I see we're finally getting somewhere." Kobayashi's cold fury undercut his own. "You think you have the right to assault your fellow pilots. What else did he take from you?"  
"What right does that underdweller have to pilot the Tsugumori? I've worked my entire life to pilot it, and you just give it to him. I was supposed to be the hero of Sidonia! You're just angry I put your pet pilot in his place. You're just-"

She whipped her head around to glare at him, her ferocity cowing him even through the mask. "The Tsugumori is _mine_. _I_ command the Sidonia." She let that float in the air for a moment. Kunato had come to his senses. He knew he'd already pushed his luck. He'd never seen the captain show any sort of emotion before. He wasn't going to put himself in any more trouble if he could help it. "You? You're not fit to be a Garde pilot. If you can't be trusted to protect your fellow pilots, there's no way in the universe I'm trusting you with all of emSidonia/em. I'm removing you from the cadet program. You can reapply in three months. You want to be a hero? Go make yourself a decent person first."

Kunato wasn't sure how to reply. Disbelief, fury, despair, and ever emotion between coursed through him. That underdweller had taken everything from him. Hoshijiro, the Tsugumori, and now even his dream of becoming a pilot. He wasn't going to just stand by and let that happen. Before he could say anything, however, the Captain continued.  
"If anything unusual happens to production, anything at all, I will return military production to Toa Heavy Industries. If you continue your harassment, you will be thrown in prison for your actions. Your company will fall to someone else and your military career will be over. Is that understood?"

Kunato couldn't believe it. He could barely form words. "Yes. . . Yes, ma'am. But what about En? She broke his nose."

"You're asking a woman if voyeurism should be punished. She broke his nose for peeping in the women's locker room. You broke his arm for protecting a friend. You should be dead right now, Kunato. If the Tsugumori hadn't been there, Gauna 487's Heigus beam would have shorted out all four Gardes and that Gauna would have slaughtered the lot of you." Kunato had no reply for her bluntness. He refused to believe that she was right, that he couldn't have defeated the Gauna himself, but the memories of floating there, helpless, while Tanikaze took all the glory, killed the first Gauna to be encountered in centuries were still fresh in his mind. It just made him hate the man even more.  
Seeing that the young man had nothing more to say, Kobayashi nodded to Ochiai who escorted him out of the room. Kunato was uncharacteristically silent, but she supposed that wasn't unusual for someone whose whole world had just fallen apart. It was this sort of business that made Kobayashi wish she could just be an ordinary crew member for a while. Still, at least the unpleasantness was behind her now.

* * *

"Hey, Tanikaze, mind if I sit with you?"

Nagate snapped out of his reverie, looking up from his food to see one of the Honokas standing next to him. She didn't seem to have anything to eat with her, so he couldn't exactly figure out why she needed to sit down, but he wouldn't refuse her. "No, go ahead. I was just here to enjoy the view."

The two of them were in one of emSidonia's/em parks, areas set aside for recreation that gave one a beautiful view of the cityscape and the walls. Hoshijiro and Nagate had spent most of the past six days together, but for now she was with her parents, who he still hadn't met. He'd offered to come along, but she'd decided that some time alone with them needed to come first. Nagate didn't mind, though. He'd have preferred be with her, but some time alone with his thoughts wasn't so bad now that the nightmares had gone away. He was actually surprised that this particular Honoka wasn't in class.

"You don't recognize me, do you?" She asked as she sat down across from him. "I mean, you know I'm one of the Honoka sisters, but you don't know who I am, do you?"  
"No, I'm sorry. I can kind of tell by your clothes, I mean, you're the only one of your sisters that wears black, but I can't recall your name." He thought for a moment, then he suddenly remembered that it was the Honoka in black underwear who had decked him a while back. "Wait! You're not still angry about the mix up with the girls' locker room are you?" He jumped up, backing away from the table at the thought. He healed fast, yes, but broken things hurt.

She shook her head. "No. I talked to Hoshijiro some about what it was like while you two were out there alone for a week and a half. I was worried that you'd been a pig the whole time. She told me how considerate of her privacy you were, that you buried yourself in the corner to make sure you didn't see her reflection. If she says that you walking in on us was a mistake, then I trust her. If you do it again, though, I'll break your nose again. That sound fair enough?" Despite what sounded like a threat, she held her hand out in an offer of truce.

Tanikaze took it as he sat back down, returning to his food. "I guess that's fair enough."

She nodded. "Good, then that's settled. I'm, En, the one they call the Lady in Black, when they're being too lazy to remember our names."

"Good to meet you, En. I'll try to remember that." He paused for a moment to pick at his food a bit more. "What brings you out here? Do you come here to relax between classes?"

"Not really. I usually hang out with my family. Sometimes I go visit the little sisters at the labs. I'm actually here looking for you."

"Really? Why? Did I do something?"

"You killed a Gauna." He just gave her an uncomprehending look. She gave a bemused grin and shook her head. This guy really didn't know how things worked up here, did he? "They're picking new pilots to replace the Color Guard. We all know you're going to be promoted, and good money has it that Hoshijiro and I are going to be there with you. Most people think it'll be another of my sisters that fills the fourth seat, though personally I think it'll be Izana. Point is, if we're going to be squadmates, we need to get along."

"So you came out here just to find me to settle things about what happened in the locker room?"

"Exactly. I'm here to get to know you."

"Well, you're certainly blunt about it."

"Would you rather I go back to breaking your nose?"

"No, no, no, no! That's not necessary!" He jumped up from the table, but the smile on her face told him he didn't have anything to worry about. She was messing with him. It took some getting used to, especially since Izana and Hoshijiro tended to shy away from that sort of thing, at least so far. He sat back down, sighing in relief. "How long have you known Izana and Hoshijiro?" He figured he would start the discussion. She seemed to have said what she had planned to say anyway.  
En shrugged her shoulders. "I don't know. Since we all joined the cadet program. A year or so. Why?"

"I was just wondering. I've only just met everyone myself. It seems like some of you have known each other for forever."

En had a hearty laugh at that. Nagate gave her a confused look, trying to figure out what he'd said that was so funny. She managed to stop laughing long enough to spit out an explanation, "I'm only five, I haven't known anyone forever." Maybe it shouldn't have been as funny as it was, but it was so strange to have someone assume a Honoka was the age she looked. The teachers always seemed to look at them as slightly less mature than the other students. The other students mostly shied away from them, though that was mostly their own fault. Eleven siblings would make for an easy clique without the age gap. Izana was pretty much the only outsider who got included in their group consistently. Not that they ignored everyone, they just accidentally stayed distant. "I'm sorry," she continued, finally in control of herself. "It's just rare for someone not to know that."  
Nagate just rubbed the back of his neck in embarrassment. "I guess there really are a lot left for me to learn about things up here."  
"Yeah. But don't worry, you've got friends to help you out."

* * *

 **A/N: If you feel like Izana isn't getting enough screen time, I apologize, because you're right. But unlike En, Kobayashi, Hoshijiro, and others, she had real characterization in the show, so I don't need to establish her. Don't worry, she'll be getting a lot more screen time soon.**  
 **The chapter is a bit short for my work, clocking in at just under 5k words when I prefer to keep things between 5 and 7, but it just sort of ended naturally and I want to keep the next chapter self-contained.**

 **Due to some drama in real life, this chapter was delayed a bit, and I'm not sure it won't carry over into the next couple, but those will be sharing time with my overhaul of my other fanfic. Thank you all for your patience.**


End file.
